A simple question with a heavy answer.
It isn't the street noises,
nor the dogs barking nearby that keep me awake, nor the conversation I keep replaying in my head.
It is the thought that I spent an entire day doing nothing, yet I am resting like I achieved my goals.
Do I even deserve this sleep?
Do I even deserve the trust my family placed in me?
Do I even deserve to even live...
I know the path I am walking on isn't the better one.
I know exactly what I should be doing at this moment.
Yet somehow, I still choose comfort.
I choose laziness, lust, over my goals.
And then, before sleeping, I try convincing myself that I gave my hundred percent today.
Did I?
Did I even try fifty?
Maybe that's why sleep doesn't come easily, not because my mind is busy.
But because somewhere inside me, I know I am negotiating with a version of myself that deserved more effort than I gave him.
No comments:
Post a Comment